Tag: relationships

These pesky on and off relationships that keep you wanting him back can go on forever.

This can happen for many reasons, from kids to marriage to sharing a house. But there are other things that keep you wanting him back, and these attachments exist in the mind. I believe you can become aware of these attachments and form an understanding that there is something better beyond the fear of losing this person. Once this awareness begins to take place you will be moving in the direction of breaking free from these circular, hot and cold relationships. Then, the only thing left to do is make a committed decision to end what has been painful and begin to move toward the truth of life.

The truth is, there is love for you everywhere once you move past your fear.

Through my work as a love psychic I have noticed different attachments in the mind that keep many women pining after an ex who she has broken up with multiple times. Many of these attachments come in the form of expectations from her lover that can never be fulfilled or forgiven. The one I would like to discuss now, is about mistaken identity. Where you believe that your lover, or ex lover is someone else who is capable of doing what it is that you want or expect. And then, when they don’t do what you expect, how dare they, they must repent and apologize – or – the woman wonders what it is that they have done wrong to turn away the affections of their ex. This is one of the secrets that keep these on and off again relationships cycling, and keeps you wondering, will he come back?

I’d like to tell a little story to illustrate my point.

The man who you thought was blue.

You are going through your life, and then lets say you meet a man. He is so nice and respectful. He listens to you, texts you long messages, laughs at your jokes, maybe even buys you a present, but more likely just tells you he will. You love this attention, this guy is Shiny Bright Blue. He is a beautiful specimen of a great person and the ideal person for you. In fact you may even like the attention and the attraction so much you might even begin to think he is your soulmate. He is your shiny, bright and blue boy and you think the highest thoughts of him. You may tell your family and friends about this blue guy you met and how he is the greatest guy in the whole world. You feel so lucky and so in love that this man is in your life.

Time begins to pass and some of the shine of the blue begins to wear off.

This man that you thought so highly of begins to distance himself. He may not text as much, or he begins to “breadcrumb” you, and just gives you barely enough attention to keep you coming back. The gifts never came. He is seeing you less, is less attentive, and may even begin to get a bit snarky. He might even flake on you. I would call this “Red” behavior. You are thinking, why is this guy behaving like this? He’s my blue boy and can never do wrong. There must be a reason why he isn’t appearing very blue? And so the woman will say hey – blue guy – be blue!! Be nice, and behave, and be that shiny blue guy I first met. Just text me and listen to me, like I do to you, and everyone can be happy.

Maybe you can guess what happens next after the woman expresses her anger and distress? The blue guy – he turns even more red. Now he doesn’t text, he ignores, he fights, he flakes, he wants other women. He takes no responsibility for your emotions or for breaking any promises. Why has he become careless and cruel. Now, he wants space.

And – you may even break up.  A few times.

But the strangest thing happens. The woman still wants him back. She pines for him, longs for him, begs for him in her prayers to return to her. Of course she has felt as if she has lost her soul mate, and that they were destined to be together.  Regardless of how rotten he has been to her. She may even blame herself and wonder how she can change to make him that loving, caring, shiny, bright blue guy that she first met. Her life is taken over with anxiety of wondering, will he come back.

She is still in love with the blue guy even though he is now red and is doing awful things. She is knee deep in an on and off relationship and wants him back bad. Now, let’s pretend.

What if – that blue guy wasn’t really blue to begin with?

What if his family and friends and society told him that in order to get a girl he had to be blue. But in secret – what if he is a different color all together. Regardless, he goes blue, and acts blue, and paints himself blue, and does what he can to secure the prize – you. Because that is what he is taught.

What if society and family and friends told you that perfect men are only blue. That once you meet a blue guy, then you will be happy. And so now your measurement of how good a guy is, is based on whether he is blue or not.

So you meet this guy who you think is blue and you expect for him to act like the perfect man you were promised by society. This man acts blue for as long as it takes to secure your interest. But then! He decides, screw this, I’m not blue. I’m not a pushover. I’m my own man. And he begins to turn red and start in with rude red behavior, he leaves and then you want him back.

Often the woman will accuse herself for being the reason for the red behavior.

However, it is not her that is the cause of the red behavior. But still she thinks that if she does her best, and says the right things and does the right things, that he will come back. And so she waits for him. Because once she meets this blue boy – he must be perfect because that is what society tells us. Blue is good.

So now, what if, Blue is bullshit. That your idea of how a perfect man is supposed to be – is bullshit. And his idea of what a man is supposed to do to get a woman is bullshit. What if this whole time you have been looking at your relationship with blue tinted glasses on, thinking that it was perfect, when in fact he is a different color all together.

Expecting blue behavior and getting red confuses you and short circuits your mental wiring. You begin looking for the blue behavior and start trying to force it on him and then wonder why isn’t he loving me, why isn’t he coming back. You are so sure that he is blue, and so perfect, and so sure that whenever he is done being red, he’ll be blue and perfect again. He may even come back around with blue behavior. But the more you break up and the more he comes back, that blue behavior becomes less and less, and red behavior becomes more and more.

In order to break out of the cycle of on and off relationships, you must become aware that he is not blue.

That he was never truly blue. He may have blue in him, and he may know how to present himself as a nice guy. But he is someone completely different than who you expect. And in the future he is never going to be that shiny, bright, blue boy full of promises of love, because that actually doesn’t exist.

Blue is a social construct. We all have been taught that blue is right. But the truth of the matter, we are all unique individuals and are dating in a new faster world. Having false expectations will hold you back in your past relationships and keep you in an on again, off again relationships where you desperately want him back.

However, you are not wrong for having these false expectations. Your mind is on the fritz, you are looking at something red and swearing that it is blue!

You must come to the realization that your ex is most likely never going to be that perfect romantic character that returns to be nice and sweep you off your feet. He is past all that. He is comfortable with being red now, and his anger will slip out with ease. You must stop expecting him to be blue, and accept that maybe he was acting blue so that he can get with you. Then you must accept him for who he actually is, and if he is being red – you have to acknowledge the misdeeds in your heart. You must look past the situation, and not at what you expect, but what do you really want. I would dare say that what you really want is to be treated well and with respect.

If you want true love and companionship you can have that, but you must take off the blue tinted glasses.

You must acknowledge that this present relationship as it is will never be what you desire. You must acknowledge the pain and confusion that this relationship has caused you. Then you must vow to yourself that you will love and honor yourself and get rid of things in your life that hold you back and no longer serve you. And further, you must know that true love exists beyond the fear of leaving your ex behind. Hope and possibility exists for you, but you must become aware that your ex is never going to be that first guy you fell in love with. Because that guy – he never really existed. You just wanted love so bad that you looked at him with blue tinted glasses in hoping that he was the one.

Go here for a love manifestation exercise that looks at what you don’t want, and reveals what you do want, and then use this exercise to draw that ideal person in.

Contact me here to schedule a private reading.